i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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