oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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