Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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