New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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