You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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