some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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