My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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