My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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