Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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