i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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