he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize