I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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