Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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