i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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