Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ttyl tear gas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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