i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize