im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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