I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize