Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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