I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize