This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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