Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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