How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
COCAINE IS GR8
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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