I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize