Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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