I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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