i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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