what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize