In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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