Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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