I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize