i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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