Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
zippers are such a cool invention
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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