the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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