did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize