id be glad to
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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