Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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