These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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