i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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