Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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