I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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