Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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