fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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