there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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