i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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