birth control should be required to get into college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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