whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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