An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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