I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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