I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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